“It’s that thing when you’re with someone and you love them and they know it and they love you and you know it but it’s a party and you’re both talking to other people and you’re laughing and shining and you look across the room and catch each other’s eyes. But not because you’re possessive, or it’s precisely sexual, but because that is your person in this life and it’s funny and sad but only because this life will end and it’s this secret world that exists right there. In public. Unnoticed. That no one else knows about. It’s sort of like how they say that other dimensions exist all around us but we don’t have the ability to perceive them. That’s what I want out of a relationship. Or just life, I guess.”
“there is a new emotion, an emotion that has no name an emotion that I’m so unfamiliar with that if I think too much I can only describe it as anger I’m angry within seconds of trying to define how I feel it’s as if all the emotions ever created are happening at once I’m in love I’m afraid I’m sad I understand I’m angry I’m hurt I’m healing I’m dark and glowing and I’m running but I’m standing still I’m big and small and energetic but I’m always tiered it’s like my stomach is empty all the time and it makes me sick an I taste things and they make me full till I’m just to weak for anything n I take a nap n I wake up an it starts all over again an I’m afraid that this is life in 2014 I’m afraid I’m not alone I’m afraid this is normal I’m terrified this is normal cause that means it’s exactly what I’m supposed to be feeling theres nothing strange about it or off grid we’re all just wondering around pretending to be close to people pretending to make friends when really we’d rather be home 90% of the time either alone or with that ONE PERSON we never tire of I’m afraid soon I’ll have to either show the world who i really am or start making up some character to sell what if I show you who I am and you don’t like me what if I make up someone and you like that person more what if I never find anyone who cares enough to not only listen but talk back……I want you to talk back to me. Talk back to me. God dammit tell me how you feel and if sometimes when you wake up in the morning your first thought is “fuck I’m back” Fuck……”
I seek the crown of wisdom and understanding.
Where might and mercy
Bring balance and beauty
Victory and glory
Find their foundation in JAH creation
Jah kingdom finds it’s foundation
In splendor and victory
Beauty finds it’s balance
In might and mercy
Understanding and wisdom will lead me to the crown….
— My Mom. And she Would make us sing this song at least twice a day.
“'Don't go,' she says. 'Don't go.' As usual, words fail me. What could I possibly say to make everything better anyway? Sentences stream through my head, and each one disgusts me more than the last. I have no words, there are no words, so I lay there lifelessly and put my arms around her. Wait, I found a word, and it screams itself repeatedly in my ears, almost drowning out her cries, and I taste its bitterness and know its contempt. 'Coward.' Tears flow unabated down my chest. Her tears, this time, not mine. Mine flow on the inside. Then I go.”